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Keysmash: on Employment

I’ve been rejected from so many jobs at this point that I’m starting to think I could make a career out of it. The process goes something like this: trawl job boards for any listing that could pay me even slightly more than I was making as a classroom assistant (but likely still in poverty wages), apply to a handful of listings that I am clearly qualified for (if not over-qualified), and wait to see if they dignify my humanity with a response.

They very often do not.

On the offchance that they do, I get to upgrade to the next level of humiliation. In this level, I am invited to interview, and will either travel to a location to meet and attempt to charm a roomful of strangers, or be emailed a video link to sit at my computer and attempt to charm a Zoomful of strangers. I used to prefer the former, but now I think I’d rather save the gas money, what with the inconsistent prices and lack of income.

This is the level where I have stalled, time and again.

I like to play a sidequest for each rejection, wherein I will reply to their rejection email and ask what feedback they can provide me for my application or interview. So far, I have received one response: “We met with many qualified candidates and ultimately selected one with significant experience in the position.” HR speak for: “You really should have chosen a different career path when you were 18, so that you could be ahead of the game now at 30.” The other recent rejection didn’t even bother replying, so I guess I have no qualifications even for a temp job doing data entry. You know, the kind of job that you’re supposed to not need real qualifications for. I think these used to be called “entry-level” positions.

In the early 2020s, I would see a lot of middle managers, who think that their modicum of power over more vulnerable people means that they have opinions worth hearing, talk about how “no one wants to work anymore.” I have not been subjected to that odious opinion of late, which likely boils down to them finally choosing to be honest for once in their lives and admitting that really, no one wants to hire anymore. That response to the inflammatory call is about as hot a take as the oatmeal I forgot to eat this morning, and about as easy to stomach. The hiring process has been made such an intricate dance that it isn’t even for the birds anymore (they took one look and asked if I was okay, to which I responded with a pathetic little whine).

Here’s an example: a friend of mine works in a retirement community, and has recommended that I apply there. I have done so, three times, for three different jobs that are all the type of skilled labor that you can develop on the job: laundry, dishwashing, and serving in a cafe. The latter of these is something I’ve even done before, for almost a full year at that, and genuinely enjoyed most of the time (the problem that made me leave, in the end, was low pay. How far I’ve come). I would gladly be a barista for the rest of my working years if I could get reasonable pay, health insurance, and a pension somewhere down the line, but in our capitalist wasteland, this is the kind of job that has been mythologized into being exclusively for teenagers (who apparently also don’t deserve a living wage), while also solely functioning during the hours that a high school student should be, you know, in school.

Anyway, I haven’t even heard from these jobs to be rejected from them.

I’m tempted to make a phone call, one of those things that people my age are supposed to dread (okay, I fit the stereotype, but it’s not my fault that I can hardly ever reach a real person when I make one, so it’s not even worth it half the time). But then again, so many hiring managers also punish you if you follow up with them, by throwing your application out for the nebulous reason that you seem too desperate to be employed. God fucking forbid.

I decided to sit down and write this to try to excise some of my nervous energy in the 20 minutes before my next job interview. Thankfully, this is one of the online ones where I save gas before learning that they found a more qualified candidate. Have I been successful in dispelling my anxiety? Not especially, but at least I have something to show for it. Unlike all of the interviews.